Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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