btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
