Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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