So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
