in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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