even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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