he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize