Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
