the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
