The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
