I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
