I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
