i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
