Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
