he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
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I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We have so much sex to catch up on
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
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was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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