I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
