Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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