I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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