I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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