I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
