I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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