9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
