Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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