apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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