Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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