if you like me you must not know who I am
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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