True but thats because hes a fetus.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
