Where is the hickey?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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