addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
