it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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