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Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
cat food counts as protein by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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