Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
