Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
