tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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