what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
