Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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