my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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