You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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