Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
