I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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