He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I got inside last night via doggy door
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
