Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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