Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
