between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
