He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
