after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
