THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
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And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
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guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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