I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
