Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
