So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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