The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
