You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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