I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
your room smells of hookers.
And success
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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