oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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